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If you don’t have much time, try the Quick Look. To see the method in action, check out the Examples section for The Kazdin Method. You can also read about my Personal Experience with this method.

This book outlines as method to improve kids’ behavior. The method and the information in the book are backed by years of research about childhood development. The method focuses on positive reinforcement; specifically, point/reward charts and praise. Positive reinforcement is simply connecting a behavior to a reward, and it is the key to this method.

Positive reinforcement is the strongest and most long-lasting way to change behavior. If you want to get rid of behavior, reward its opposite. It also avoids the negative side effects of punishment. Many parents rely on punishment, but it doesn’t effectively change behavior (especially in the long term) because it doesn’t teach a kid what they should do. It often damages the relationship between parent and child. It also teaches kids poor behaviors (yelling, explosive anger, etc.) and makes parents feel worse. Nagging and lecturing also don’t work.

Parents should be mindful of not having overly high expectations of their child. And don’t assume kids are being manipulative; kids are often repeating bad behavior because they get attention for it (which the parents have reinforced).

How to Implement this Method

1. First, identify the problem behavior and phrase it specifically and positively. For example, “Use kind words and action when you play with your sister,” rather than, “stop teasing your sister.” Kazdin calls this the Positive Opposite.

2. Enthusiastically tell your child about this exciting program to earn rewards. Be clear about the behavior.

3. Do a practice session. You can also have your child earn points for practice sessions, especially with behaviors that only occur once or twice a day (like bedtime).

4. Make a chart that will keep track of every time your child does the desired behavior and show her the rewards she can earn. Put it somewhere highly visible.

5. Pick rewards your child can earn right away, and some to “save” for. Give them a price (1 point, 5 points, etc.). Little physical items (puzzle, crayons, toy car, figurine- shouldn’t be expensive) and nonphysical items like an extra story, playing a game with a parent, etc.

6. Mark the points (and give rewards, if he has earned enough to buy one) immediately after your child does the behavior. To effectively change behavior, the link between action and reward must be direct and immediate.

7. Praise is even more important than points. Praise should be enthusiastic, specifically point out what your child did well (no vague “good jobs”), and can include a physical component like a hug. For example, “Wow! It’s great to see you picking up your toys when I asked!” Like the rewards, it should come immediately after the behavior. Don’t add judgment/negativity to the praise, as in, “you cleaned up, but you didn’t put things back correctly.” Use praise copiously.

To better understand the process, I recommend taking a look at the Examples page for The Kazdin Method.

Tips:

• Use “please” to be polite and show your kid that you are giving him a choice.

• Give instructions, not questions (“will you please clean up?”)

• Stay calm and kind in voice and action. You are giving an instruction, not a command.

• Doing the program well on the days you are available to do it is more important than how many days you do it.

• Consistency is important; try to keep all caregivers/parents on the same page.

• Keep the rewards focused on a given behavior to improve.

• Provide lots of opportunities for your kid to do the behavior, including practice sessions.

• Ignore minor misbehavior (whining, arguing) so your child isn’t getting attention for it.

• You may need to break down behaviors into smaller steps, and reward those steps.

• Create a context in which the desired behavior is more likely to occur. Ex: cleaning up well before bedtime when kids are too tired.

• Try to have realistic expectations of kids, and learn to let some things go. Ask yourself, “does this really matter?” before deciding to take action on a behavior.

• Be flexible and chose your battles.

• If you can’t get your child to start the desired behavior, start it with them. It’s worth it to let some things go to get compliance, now and in the future.

• If your kid doesn’t do the desired behavior, remind her only one time of the instruction without yelling or showing anger. If she still doesn’t comply, say something like, “I guess you’ll have to earn the points another time” and walk away.  

• If your child is doing well with the behavior in one specific location or with one person but needs to work on it in other situations or with other people, you can broaden the program by involving another adult or another location in the point chart.

• Caregivers

  • For a nanny, daycare, or teachers, you can try a simplified version where the caregiver keeps track (on a piece if paper, notes app, whatever works) of and reports how well your child did on a certain behavior. The parent them gives points and praise when the child comes home.

  • For separated parents, it depends on the willingness of each parent. A motivated parent could ask a noncompliant parent to do the simplified version of the program above, and then do the program consistency when the child is in her care.

• Multiple kids/groups

  • If only one kid needs the chart, make it so both/all kids earn rewards based on the one chart.

  • For siblings, you could make a second/third/etc chart even if it’s not needed.

  • You can have siblings earn prizes together, or prizes when either of them reaches a certain point of the chart.

  • When you use either strategy to involve multiple siblings in a point chart, it strengthens the method because often the siblings remind each other to do the desired behavior.

  • Teachers can use the method too, either rewarding the whole class for one child’s improvement, or when enough members of the class do a certain action.

• 6-12 year olds

  • Look at your own actions and habits; actions do speak louder than words.

  • Be prepared for more negotiation and subtlety in your positive reinforcement.

  • You can tone down the enthusiasm slightly, especially if your kid thinks you are embarrassing.

• Preteens/teens

  • Continue to use praise even if they don’t seem to value it as much. Rewards should still work well.

  • Allow a lot of room for compromise and be open to flexibility on some of the rules you had before.

  • Resolve to stay calm and walk away from whining/arguing. Don’t make disparaging comments, because they model disrespect that your child will then send back to you.

  • When preteens have a strong bond with their family, thanks to time spend together, positive interactions, praise and affection, it helps to get past the blowups that will occur during this difficult time.

  • Try to remain present in your pre-teen’s life, even if it seems like she doesn’t want you around.

  • An option in lieu of using a point chart is to offer privileges for the desired action: “if you finish your homework, you can go to Fred’s house for an hour.”

  • When big fights or moments of crisis happen, wait until the dust settles before trying to talk about things.

Punishment

• To make a difference on behavior, punishment must be used together with a program of positive reinforcement.

• With punishment, less is more. Punishment makes kids upset, which makes it difficult to impart any lessons or make behavioral changes. It also damages the parent-child relationship.

• Use punishment sparingly, and don’t escalate. For instance, according to research, time outs only need to be one minute to be effective.

• Remain calm. Not only does a parent blowing up model bad behavior to kids, but it also gives more attention which leads to more of the bad behavior.

• Like rewards, punishments must come immediately after the behavior. The two punishments mentioned in this book are a time out and taking away a privilege (for example, a kid snatching a toy from her brother does not get to play with the toy for the rest of the afternoon).

• Punishments should include making amends. This reinforces positive behavior.

• For older kids who may occasionally engage in significantly poor behavior (damaging property, stealing, etc.), parents can come up with a chore to serve as a punishment. Something boring but not extreme, like cleaning the floorboards for a half hour.

How to End the Program

Increase the length of time between the behavior and reward. For example, instead of daily points for cleaning up toys, you could do points every other day, then every 4 days, then once a week, and then get rid of the chart altogether (but not the praise).

Final Notes

Parents are stressed, and stressed parents are more likely to be aggressive, emotionally distant, harsh (physical punishment, unkind words), and focused on bad behavior. They are also less likely to focus on (and praise) good behavior.

Chaos- environments with lots of activity and little structure- is related to stress and has negative impacts on the family as well. The best way to combat chaos is to develop good routines, like family meals, outings, and traditions.

Take the time to care for yourself so you can manage stress and seek professional help if necessary.

If you seek professional help for your child, be sure that it is backed by research and proven success, and there aren’t other cost-effective and less intensive alternatives. How do you know when to seek help? Some signs include: the behavior is preventing the child from participating in day-to-day life, it is dangerous or unusual, it is not age appropriate, and it is a big change from how the child usually behaves.

Moving outside of this specific method into general parenting, the author stresses the importance of being positive: calm, affectionate, present, involved, and a good listener.

If you are interested in what you read but need more specifics on setting up the point chart, I recommend checking out the book. It gives specific point values for rewards, and goes into much greater details about pricing rewards. There is a section at the very end that gives many examples of possible rewards for different age categories. There are also many examples in the book of various problematic behaviors across all ages, and the plans to tackle them. These examples include lots of sample language. Finally, there is a section with parents’ common questions.

You can buy the book on Amazon or Bookshop.org.