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Here are examples of sample language that show what it looks like to use the strategies in The Kazdin Method by Alan E. Kazdin. If you haven’t yet, I strongly recommend reading the Summary along with these examples, or at least the Quick Look. You can also see some examples from my Personal Experience.

Example: Young Child

Alex (preschool age) gets up and down during dinner, often running around.

Positive Opposite: Alex’s parents think about what would constitute good behavior at dinner time. The settle on these desired behaviors, and present them to Alex: He should stay at the table while he is eating, until he is done. If he wants to get up for some reason, he should ask a parent. They wait until Alex is calm to tell him about the program, and they present it as an exciting way to win rewards.

To set Alex up for good behavior, his parents make sure everything he needs (utensils, sauces, napkin) is at the table already, and that all other family members remain seated. They don’t have the TV on, and they have removed any nearby toys.

Reward Chart: Alex’s parents decide to use stickers to mark successful behaviors. They use a dash if Alex doesn’t complete the desired behavior. Each day, there are two chances to earn rewards: one at dinner, and one for a practice session. Alex’s reward chart goes 6 days, with Sunday off. 

Practice: During the practice session, Alex’s parents sit with him at the table, giving plenty of smiles and encouragement. They remind him this is pretend, but that he can earn points by staying at the table. Maybe they have a small snack. After eating, they praise and present Alex with his sticker.

Notes: You and your child are still getting used to the program, so you will likely be inconsistent at times. Alex’s parents should expect nights when he still gets up and runs around at dinnertime. They remind him one time to stay in his seat, and if he does not, then no points for that day.

Sometimes Alex gets out of his seat, and his parents tell him (in a calm, straightforward tone) he’ll lose his point if it happens again.

If Alex isn’t hitting the target behavior, but he’s getting up fewer times and staying in the kitchen, his parents praise the progress he’s made.   

Examples: Kids Aged 6-12

Ella is allowed to watch TV for 30 minutes on the weekdays, but she won’t turn off the TV when her screen time is over.

Positive Opposite: First, her parents should look at what Ella is currently doing, and then lay out the positive opposite for what they want her to do. In this example, the parents will give Ella points for promptly turning off the TV after 30 minutes.

To ensure success, Ella’s parents will make it easy for Ella to know that her time is up by having her set a timer and keeping it nearby. They may also consider structuring the afternoon/evening so that Ella accomplishes some tasks- homework, reading, a chore- before her screen time. This may make her less likely to drag her feet after the timer goes off, since she isn’t trying to put off a task.

Reward Chart: Physical rewards will be like those of the small child: inexpensive, Ella should be able to earn something immediately. But the nonphysical rewards may focus more on privileges and choices, like staying up later on the weekend, having a parent do one of her chores, letting her pick a weekend activity. Like younger kids, you can also include a bigger reward to work towards.

Again, put the chart where is it highly visible, like the kitchen. Cater it to Ella’s age.

Don’t forget verbal praise and praising the small steps along the way. Be specific and cheerful, but you can tone done the enthusiasm a bit, as kids this age start to already think their parents’ enthusiasm is uncool. You may say something like, “You turned off the TV right when you heard the timer go off. You were even in the middle of a program, and you still shut it off!”

Notes: Don’t nag; as in the Alex example, only give one additional reminder if the behavior isn’t carried out. Your one reminder could be, “I heard the timer. Screen time is over.”

When you see progress, you can add challenges: for instance, giving Ella an extra point if she doesn’t need any reminder/check-in, or if after a couple days, the desired behavior is done consistently. You can even add onto the initial behaviors and award points for extra related behaviors, like setting the timer herself, or transitioning to the next activity without any complaints (assuming she was in the habit of complaining about having to stop videos.)

If you aren’t seeing progress, examine the details. Maybe Ella needs a reminder a couple minutes before the timer goes off, or she needs a parent physically with her when it goes off. You can also look at the desired behavior: is it expecting too much? In this example it probably isn’t, but in other more complex situations, you can reduce the behavior into a smaller, more achievable action and then build from that success.

Positive Opposite: Joey’s parents want him to sit and practice the piano for fifteen minutes on the weekdays.

To set up good behavior, allow Joey to have free time after school. Pick the same time every day to begin practicing piano. If possible, have the instrument in a spot that’s somewhat removed from other people and loud noises like the TV.

Notes: Joey’s parents may want to start with a smaller time chunk, such as 10 minutes for 3 times a week, and increase the time until he hits fifteen minutes every weekday.

Start by sitting with Joey, and offering quiet praise like, “Wow, you’ve already played for 8 minutes without stopping. You are really focusing on the music, and I love to hear you play.” Then move to going in and out of the room, offering praise when you go in.

Joey should be able to see the point chart when he’s playing the piano.

Example: Preteen

Tom’s parents feel that he is disrespectful. This is too vague of a problem, so the parents identify specific behaviors (ignoring his parents, staring at his phone/book/out the window when they speak, mumbling) and then come up with positive opposites: responding to his parents, making eye contact, using a clear and kind voice.

In this example, it makes the most sense to award points for each chunk of time that the desired behavior is demonstrated (for instance, 3:30-5:30, 5:30-7:30, and 7:30 til bedtime), rather than for each desired behavior. Since the desired behaviors are all small and can occur often (every time Tom’s parents talk to him), it would be difficult to award points for each behavior.

Remember that if you don’t see progress, try breaking the behaviors into smaller, easy to achieve pieces. For instance, instead of expecting constant eye contact, start by rewarding Tom for putting down his phone or book and putting his head up when you speak. (“You stopped looking at your phone when I asked you a question. I appreciate that.”) When he’s made progress on that, move to maintaining eye contact.

You can still try practice sessions with tweens. Explain the point chart in a straightforward way- emphasizing what Tom can earn- and tell him that he can earn points with a practice session. Give Tom a choice to participate in the point chart or not. If he agrees, demonstrate what a practice session looks like.

Don’t worry if Tom isn’t sincere. When the behaviors change, the sincerity will likely follow, or at least he will seem more natural when doing the desired behaviors.

Examples: Variations on the Method

This is an example of when a parent can start the behavior with the child. Some parents don’t like the idea of “giving in” when their kids won’t listen or misbehave. But you don’t have to get your way every time your child puts up a fight. In fact, it’s good to present your kid with a choice, or let some things go in order to get more compliance in the future.

Julie doesn’t want to go to swim class. If you force her, she may make a scene, and even if you get her in the pool, she may not focus on the class. Furthermore, she may feel resentful and refuse next week, too. Instead, you could give Julie a choice (“we’ll drive to the pool and you can go to class, or sit on the bench for a half hour”). In this situation, sitting in the heat with nothing to do may end up feeling worse to the child, so she’ll likely just do her class. Or, you could offer to wear your bathing suit and join her in the pool for the beginning of class. Lastly, you could ask her to try the class for only a couple minutes. Chances are, by the time she’s in the pool, and has gotten a lot of praise from her parent, she’ll decide to just do the rest of the class. And if she still doesn’t go in the pool despite all these attempts, let it go and try again next week.

This next example is for when your child does something significantly undesirable or wrong, but not often enough that a point chart would make sense for the behavior. For example, if your child lies to you, or breaks something in the house, or steals. Come up with a chore that can serve as a punishment; something he doesn’t usually have to do, that may be boring but not extreme.

Andrew is 13 years old and loves to draw. His parents got a call from a neighbor down the street who saw Andrew and his friend drawing inappropriate chalk drawings on the elementary school blacktop. When things are calm, his parents talk to him about his inappropriate behavior. They discuss other things that he and his friend could do when they are bored, and how he and his friend will now have to draw over or wash the drawings away.

Then they tell Andrew that if he vandalizes the playground or draws/writes inappropriate things, he’ll have to dust/wipe down the floorboards for 30 minutes. A couple months later, you get a call from Andrew’s friend’s parent, who say Andrew and his friend drew an inappropriate picture and taped it to his friend’s sister’s door. Andrew’s parents stay calm and instruct him to do the chore. If he doesn’t listen, they tell him he can either clean the floorboards or have another consequence (decided beforehand, such as no TV time).

If Andrew starts the chore, but is slopping water all over the place, or yelling about it, then his parents take the bucket and sponge away and tell Andrew that he has lost his TV time for the day. If Andrew does do the chore, his parents say things like, “I am glad to see you washing the baseboards so thoroughly. You are being very mature.” Before and after this blow up, Andrew’s parents remember to always praise when he and his friend act appropriately, like playing basketball or riding bikes, or when Andrew makes regular drawings.

There are many examples in the book of various problematic behaviors across all ages, and the plans to tackle them. These examples include lots of sample language. The book also gives specific point values for rewards and goes into much greater details about pricing rewards. There is a section at the very end that gives many examples of possible rewards for different age categories. And there’s a section with parents’ commonly asked questions.

You can buy the book on Amazon or Bookshop.org.