This page contains affiliate links. I participate in the Amazon Associates and Bookshop.org programs and can earn from qualifying purchases. Please read my full statement here.

The following are some examples of how I’ve applied the strategies and advice in The Kazdin Method by Alan E. Kazdin to my own parenting. If you haven’t already, I recommend looking at the Summary or Quick Look to get an understanding of the strategies I mention. You can also read my Examples of reward charts addressing different behaviors.      

We’ve done multiple reward charts since I read this book for the first time. I have mixed feelings and experiences with reward charts, so I think it would be helpful to lay out some pros and cons. Then I’ll include a little section about what I’ve used reward charts for and what it looks like in the day to day. Lastly, I’ll include some examples of rewards we’ve used.

Pros:

• Reward charts are a good way to focus on a behavior in a positive way. When faced with a problematic behavior, it’s easy to get caught up in the “don’t do this” mentality, which turns kids off immediately. But when you look at the positive opposite, its easier to talk about and focus on without kids getting defensive.

• It causes the kid to reflect on their behavior in a way that punishment never seems to. If a kid knows they’ll get a tally if they don’t tease their sister for 30 minutes, he may actually hold back a teasing comment. If a kid is being punished for teasing, he doesn’t often think to himself, “Oh next time I shouldn’t tease,” because he’s too upset and focused on what is being taken away.

• Kids like it! It’s fun to get rewards, even small ones. When I am remembering to bring up the reward chart and consistently point out the desired behavior, my kids have been excited to put tallies up on the board, or plan what rewards they want.

• It keeps me positive. It reminds me to give praise throughout the day, even for small steps in the right direction.

• It feels better than punishing! And frankly, I do believe it works better. My kids are motivated more by rewards than consequences.

• The rewards can be fun for the whole family or can bring about quality family or parent-child time. For example, we’ve done family bike rides or playing a video game together.

• Even if I forget/neglect the reward chart for a bit, it’s easy to come back to. I just remind the kids, and they are always ready to earn prizes!

Cons:

• Piggy backing off the last pro, a lot of the non-physical rewards we came up with are things we already do. Yes, it’s fun to have an extra family bike ride as a reward. But frankly, we already take family bike rides. We do board game nights, and watch videos together, and have the kids pick the dinner menu. So it sometimes was a challenge to come up with rewards that I didn’t have to buy.

• Buying rewards is time consuming and expensive. I know, the author says to get cheap rewards. But I struggle to find them! Many dollar store items are plastic garbage or cost more than $1 now. Cheap grab bag items worked better when my kids were preschool age, but in the elementary ages, it’s tougher to find physical rewards that are inexpensive. And you have to go buy things, or at the least, remember to order things online.

• It places a burden on the parent. You have to remember to watch for the behavior, keep track of the points, reference the chart to maintain excitement over it (my kids would forget about it if I didn’t bring it up), make sure your kid is earning rewards regularly enough to motivate his behavior. I agree with the author that the time/energy is worth it, when you think about the time/energy that goes into coming up with consequences, arguing, or lecturing. And the negative reactions don’t get you anywhere and can actually make the situation worse, so then it’s wasted energy and time. However, parents should be aware that they need to invest extra time and energy into the method, and plan accordingly.

• There are times that reward charts didn’t work well for us, but if I’m being honest, it’s probably because I forgot to do the things mentioned in the bullet point above. Consistency and commitment are SO important. Without them, it’s likely the reward charts won’t help, or the effects won’t last long.

Reward Chart Examples

Around the preschool/kindergarten age, we did a reward chart for my son about not teasing his sister. We laid out the positive behaviors- share toys, get Mommy if you have a problem, use kind words. Since they were interacted with each other much of the day, we measured it in chunks of time. This was a while ago so it’s a bit fuzzy, but I believe broke the day into morning, afternoon, and evening. He’d get a tally for each time chunk that he teased her less than usual (I don’t think we aimed for no teasing as that was unrealistic). I don’t think this reward chart lasted long because I had trouble checking in, and the behavior was a bit too vague for a small child. It was also tough because I was the one who had to decide if the amount of teasing was better or worse than usual, and since my son is a master debater, he’d then fight with me on my decision.

We also tried a reward chart for both kids on doing what my husband or I asked the first time we asked. Again, this was split into three times of day. So if they did everything the first time we asked all morning, they get a tally. This was really hard to manage, because it meant my husband and I had to make sure we didn’t ask more than once. And when you are used to reminding your kid multiple times in the morning, “hey can you get dressed?....Ok, it’s time to get dressed…..please get dressed,” it’s a tough habit to break. I completely think parents should break that habit- and we have made progress on not reminding/repeating- but it just made the reward chart tricky. Also, when it was time to check in, we’d have to remember if there was a time our kid didn’t listen the first time, and inevitably said kid would try to convince us we were misremembering, and then things just spiraled downhill.

I will say, my son’s personality type makes reward charts very tricky unless the behavior is something you can’t argue with. And even then, he tends to find the loopholes. He is crazy good at arguing and would often talk me into seeing that yes, he did earn that tally. Or even if he didn’t, he’d argue with me to the point where we’d both be frustrated, so it felt like it was creating more negative energy than positive energy.

So what reward charts have worked? Getting tallies for doing “strategies” to deal with anger (walking away, deep breaths, drawing, etc.) has worked. When either kid is experiencing intense anger, a parent is likely focused on them, so it’s easy to observe and then record if they do a strategy or not. It is very hard to get my kids to use strategies when they are angry, so getting a tally for it does help motivate them that extra bit.

We’ve also used a reward chart for staying in bed all night. From time to time, my daughter struggles with waking up in the middle of the night and then wanting to sleep with us or have us sleep with her. I don’t mind this if it’s a one-off or if she’s not feeling well, but generally these periods will mean repeated daily waking/requests to sleep together, which negatively affects both of our sleep. So we’d give her a tally each morning that she stayed in bed all night. This also included yelling to us in the middle of the night. I actually didn’t think this would work, since when kids wake up in the middle of the night they are generally “out of it” and wouldn’t process that staying in bed leads to a reward. But someone it did seem to help.

We’ve used tally charts for practicing to ride the bike. Pretty self explanatory: they practice, they get a tally.

I guess what the successful reward charts have in common is that they aren’t behaviors that happen so often that it’s hard to track (like teasing or first time compliance). This does mean that the kids have less opportunities to earn tallies, which the author cautions can be a problem. But for my purposes, it’s worked OK. I just have to remember to remind them that the reward chart is still active and being tracked. Also, I do start with a reward after just one time, and then increase it to two tallies, then three tallies to earn a reward.

Again with the time constraints, we’ve done both charts and tracking on the chalkboard in our kitchen. When I first read the book and used a reward chart during the preschool years, we had a chart and stickers (I think). Now, we just mark the tallies on the chalkboard in the kitchen. It’s visible and easy to use that way.

Before starting the reward chart, I make a “rewards menu” by writing down the rewards and how many tallies they “cost.” As the kids got older, I had them help me with this. It’s a good lesson in math and money, and I could have them write things, too.

Variations on the Method

We also use a sort of variation on rewards when the kids go places/do things they don’t want to do. Some people may say this is a bribe, but I think there’s a difference when you phrase it as, “when you do X, you EARN a reward,” versus, “if you do X, I’ll GIVE you Y.” I’m not whining or begging when I present it to the kids. And I explain it as something they are earning with their behavior.

For example, when I started attending a local Unitarian church, I got a lot of push back from my kids.  So I talked with them and asked, “What is something fun we could do after church?” They wanted to get hot chocolate at a nearby café. The next week they wanted to go to my parents’ house after and have fresh bread my mom made. Other weeks they just want to grab a cookie after the service. Now I realize this sounds (and maybe is!) like I’m rewarding them with sweets, which you are not supposed to do. But, again, I feel there is a difference between, “If you go to church with me, you can have this cookie,” and “After the church service, we can stop by the lobby and grab a treat.” It’s a sweetener to motivate behavior…literally.

Perhaps my kids don’t see the difference and it’s a bribe to them. But I will say, it’s not even discussed anymore. We now are in the habit of going every other week with or without stopping at a café or getting a sweet after the service. So it at least helped jump start the habit of going.

We also did this for therapy. It was very difficult to get my kid to go to therapy. Along with some other strategies suggested by the therapist (such as giving him a choice- what’s something you’d like to do with the therapist? What’s something you’d like to talk about?), we said that after he went to the appointment, he’d get a reward. It worked, and again, it jump started the behavior. We did a reward for the first couple appointments, and then we went a couple weeks before another reward.

Lastly, I’ll add that the swim class example in the Examples section is straight out of my life (as are many examples throughout this book and others). And it worked! Each of my kids went through refusal to get in the pool, and each time they had to come and sit while the other did their class. It was boring and hot, and the next week they’d go in. Actually, I think one time they decided to go into the pool for class just at the prospect of having to sit and wait while the other one swam.

Sample rewards:

Physical items:

• For preschool/young child age: “grab bag” with plastic cars, bouncy balls, stickers, crayons, and other dollar store finds.

• For early elementary: activity books, crafts, puzzles, markers/pens, keychains, tiny stuffies, bookmarks, hair clips/headbands, little figurines (most of these purchased at a dollar store- so think small and inexpensive versions).

Non physical ideas:

• “Camp out” in the living room (sleeping bags, campfire sounds, s’mores)

• Board Game with a parent, or the whole family

• Pick the menu for a meal

• Skip a chore

• Go to a favorite restaurant

• Help a parent bake something of your choice

• Family bike ride

• Family movie night or video game night (all play a game together)

• Extra 15 minutes of screen time

• Back rub/hand/foot massage

• Extra book at bedtime

• Choose what to play (with sibling or parent)

• Go to your park of choice

If you’re interested and want all the details, examples, and sample language, buy the book on Amazon or Bookshop.org.