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Check out the Summary for more details and sections on strategies for different times of the day: bedtime, meals, etc. You can also check out the Examples section for some sample language and scenarios to demonstrate the strategies. And to see how these ideas worked in my life, check out the Personal Experience section.

Some parents call their kids difficult, stubborn, distractable, and other negative terms. The author of this book coined the term “spirited” to be positive and focus on the strengths of such kids. Spirited kids can be more sensitive, have a hard time with flexibility, be easily distracted, and have a one-track mind.

A big focus in this book is learning your kid: their temperament, what sets them off, what calms them down. Then, you share that information with your kid so they understand themselves better and can learn when they need to walk away/take a break.

Parents Should…

• Move away from negative labels, and instead focus on the positive. For example, using “determined” instead of “stubborn.”

• Talk to your kids about feelings; you own, characters in books, etc.

• Give your kid language to understand what her temperament is, what bothers her, and what helps her.

• Learn if your kid is an introvert or extrovert so you know how they get their energy (from others or alone time).

• Self-regulate your own emotions and react calmly to de-escalate, prepare for problem solving, and model good reactions.

Parenting Tips

Tantrums

• Stay close to your kid and show understanding. Ask “how can I help?”

• Wait until everyone is calm to discuss. Then find out what was wrong.

• State the family rule that was broken.

• Let your kid know what she could have said or done.

• Set up the scene and run through it again, with your kid practicing the correct reaction.

• Have kids make amends, like cleaning up a mess.

Problem Solving

• Ask your kid what is behind their request and actively listen.

• Tell your kid what is important to you and why.

• Come up with solutions together. They can be unrealistic, funny, etc.

• Choose a solution you both agree upon.

Rules/Limits

• Communicate your family’s plan for rules and limits, and the consequences for not following them.

• Be consistent in enforcing rules and follow through on consequences.

• While you are waiting for your kid to complete an instruction, don’t do anything fun until she’s done.

• When your kid is breaking a rule, tell him he has a choice and what will happen if he breaks the rule. That way he gets to decide.

Listening

• Go to your child, on their level, with eye contact. Wait until they are ready to listen.

• Be clear and compact; no lecturing or questions.

• Divide big requests into manageable steps.

Transitions

• Routines can be very important for spirited kids.

• Charts/pictures of the routines can help.

• Don’t overschedule and give yourself enough time.

• Give kids reminders, or use a timer.

There is a lot of sample language in the actual book of what to say to your child. There are even sample statements based on what type of spirited child you have- intense, sensitive, persistent, etc. There are examples in each chapter that help clarify the ideas. I recommend reviewing the whole book if you want to know more about how to practically apply these ideas to your life.

You can buy it on Amazon or Bookshop.org.